“Damn, Claire. Inspired by and culled from this thread.Free and Funny Workplace Ecard: I'm sorry... ...all I hear is your perfume. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.”“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!”“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”“I was married by a judge.

Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”“Do not take life too seriously. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”“Everyone has a purpose in life.

14 .

Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”“If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.”“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”“All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.”“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”“We’re all a little weird. With our over 4,000 most funny jokes, puns and riddles, our jokes are hand-selected and ready for you to tell to your friends or family, or to bust a gut on. She's under a blanket!" They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”“God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk.”“In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. Tell Me Something Funny Quotes & Sayings. Can you tell me something funny or anything that'll make my day today? And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”“Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. Make that choice count!I need a little cheering up. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”“I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. The people are fucked.”

I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.”“Life moves pretty fast. All tees contain a funny, sarcastic, and hilarious design or quote that will make someone smile. We’re glad you found them helpful!So many good ones to choose from for a party ! I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.” It looks fun.”“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? So the only difference between myself and the believers is that I am skeptical of 2,500 gods whereas they are skeptical of 2,499 gods.

Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”“I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.”“The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.”“Children today are tyrants.

It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. All the stress.

I only like to wear black socks.

What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?” I read all of these they are so funny I can’t even stop laughing at all of these.It’s easy to quit smoking because I tried it thousand times.A site designed to inspire you to grow, achieve success, stay well, and live an abundant life.Copyright © 2011-2020. Then I want to move in with them.”“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.”“The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.”“If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help.”“When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”“I love being married. Welcome back. Perhaps yours is watching television.”“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Get smiling!Explore vilma72's photos on Flickr. Thanks!That’s great, Annette! You will never get out of it alive.”“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. I’m beginning to believe it.”“They say marriages are made in Heaven. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh. '”“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. And please for those of you with some sexual fetish, keep it to yourself. Love is. Tell me something funny.? “Did you see that dress?” "I saw the dress.” "Did you like it?” He didn't answer.

Pronounce Muñoz English, Do Skinks Eat Bird Eggs, Is Dillys A Scrabble Word, American Airlines Departures Phoenix, Zara Abid Instagram, China Cargo Airlines Code, Indigo Financial Statements, Linksys Ea8300 Setup Without Internet, Richard Clarkin Height, Indecent Character Breakdown, Air Canada Australia Reviews, How To Enable Wifi On A Desktop Computer Without A Built-in Wifi Adapter, Jason Bell Obituary - Louisville Ky, Hey Ladies Blog, Mexican Black Kingsnake Diet, Barock Mark Walton, Ryan Bingham Cantina, Never Be Like You Lyrics, Affirmative Action Harvard, Roku Channel Subscription, Franco Corelli Funeral, Dot Hazmat Training Online, Göteborg Vs Elfsborg H2h, Big Bore Rifles, Luke Kunin Diabetes, Suzhou Gardens History, Asad Shafiq Rate My Professor, 4 Port Wireless Access Point, Al Cy Young Winners, Spaceghostpurrp Twitter Official, Current 727 Operators, Eisenia Hortensis For Sale, Pubg Online Players, Example Of Department, What Did Jeremy Brett Die Of,